Stoopidity/HarryPotterLLM

1!Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone2CHAPTER ONE3THE BOY WHO LIVED4Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say5that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last6people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious,7because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.8Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made9drills. He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did10have a very large mustache. Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had11nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she12spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the13neighbors. The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley and in their14opinion there was no finer boy anywhere.15The Dursleys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and16their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it. They didn't17think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters. Mrs.18Potter was Mrs. Dursley's sister, but they hadn't met for several years;19in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister, because her20sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDursleyish as it was21possible to be. The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbors would22say if the Potters arrived in the street. The Dursleys knew that the23Potters had a small son, too, but they had never even seen him. This boy24was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want25Dudley mixing with a child like that.26When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull, gray Tuesday our story27starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that28strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the29country. Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for30work, and Mrs. Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming31Dudley into his high chair.32None of them noticed a large, tawny owl flutter past the window.33At half past eight, Mr. Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs.34Dursley on the cheek, and tried to kiss Dudley good-bye but missed,35136 37because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the38walls. "Little tyke," chortled Mr. Dursley as he left the house. He got39into his car and backed out of number four's drive.40It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of41something peculiar -- a cat reading a map. For a second, Mr. Dursley42didn't realize what he had seen -- then he jerked his head around to43look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet44Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. What could he have been thinking45of? It must have been a trick of the light. Mr. Dursley blinked and46stared at the cat. It stared back. As Mr. Dursley drove around the47corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was now48reading the sign that said Privet Drive -- no, looking at the sign; cats49couldn't read maps or signs. Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and50put the cat out of his mind. As he drove toward town he thought of51nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day.52But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something53else. As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help54noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people55about. People in cloaks. Mr. Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in56funny clothes -- the getups you saw on young people! He supposed this57was some stupid new fashion. He drummed his fingers on the steering58wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdos standing quite59close by. They were whispering excitedly together. Mr. Dursley was60enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why, that man61had to be older than he was, and wearing an emerald-green cloak! The62nerve of him! But then it struck Mr. Dursley that this was probably some63silly stunt -- these people were obviously collecting for something...64yes, that would be it. The traffic moved on and a few minutes later, Mr.65Dursley arrived in the Grunnings parking lot, his mind back on drills.66Mr. Dursley always sat with his back to the window in his office on the67ninth floor. If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate68on drills that morning. He didn't see the owls swoop ing past in broad69daylight, though people down in the street did; they pointed and gazed70open- mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. Most of them had never71seen an owl even at nighttime. Mr. Dursley, however, had a perfectly72normal, owl-free morning. He yelled at five different people. He made73several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more. He was in a74very good mood until lunchtime, when he thought he'd stretch his legs75and walk across the road to buy himself a bun from the bakery.76 77278 79He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of80them next to the baker's. He eyed them angrily as he passed. He didn't81know why, but they made him uneasy. This bunch were whispering82excitedly, too, and he couldn't see a single collecting tin. It was on83his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he84caught a few words of what they were saying.85"The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard yes, their son, Harry"86Mr. Dursley stopped dead. Fear flooded him. He looked back at the87whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better88of it.89He dashed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his90secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone, and had almost91finished dialing his home number when he changed his mind. He put the92receiver back down and stroked his mustache, thinking... no, he was93being stupid. Potter wasn't such an unusual name. He was sure there were94lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think95of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew was called Harry. He'd never even96seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. Or Harold. There was no point97in worrying Mrs. Dursley; she always got so upset at any mention of her98sister. He didn't blame her -- if he'd had a sister like that... but all99the same, those people in cloaks...100He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon and101when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that102he walked straight into someone just outside the door.103"Sorry," he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. It104was a few seconds before Mr. Dursley realized that the man was wearing a105violet cloak. He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the106ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in107a squeaky voice that made passersby stare, "Don't be sorry, my dear sir,108for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at109last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy,110happy day!"111And the old man hugged Mr. Dursley around the middle and walked off.112Mr. Dursley stood rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete113stranger. He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that114was. He was rattled. He hurried to his car and set off for home, hoping1153116 117he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he118didn't approve of imagination.119As he pulled into the driveway of number four, the first thing he saw -and it didn't improve his mood -- was the tabby cat he'd spotted that120morning. It was now sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the121same one; it had the same markings around its eyes.122"Shoo!" said Mr. Dursley loudly. The cat didn't move. It just gave him a123stern look. Was this normal cat behavior? Mr. Dursley wondered. Trying124to pull himself together, he let himself into the house. He was still125determined not to mention anything to his wife.126Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner all127about Mrs. Next Door's problems with her daughter and how Dudley had128learned a new word ("Won't!"). Mr. Dursley tried to act normally. When129Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living room in time to130catch the last report on the evening news:131"And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's132owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls normally133hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight, there have been134hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since135sunrise. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly136changed their sleeping pattern." The newscaster allowed himself a grin.137"Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going138to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?"139"Well, Ted," said the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it's not140only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as141Kent, Yorkshire, and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead142of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting143stars! Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early -- it's144not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight."145Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his armchair. Shooting stars all over Britain?146Owls flying by daylight? Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place?147And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters...148Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It was149no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat150nervously. "Er -- Petunia, dear -- you haven't heard from your sister151lately, have you?"1524153 154As he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all,155they normally pretended she didn't have a sister.156"No," she said sharply. "Why?"157"Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled. "Owls... shooting158stars... and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today..."159"So?" snapped Mrs. Dursley.160"Well, I just thought... maybe... it was something to do with... you161know... her crowd."162Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr. Dursley wondered163whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name "Potter." He decided he164didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as he could, "Their son -he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?"165"I suppose so," said Mrs. Dursley stiffly.166"What's his name again? Howard, isn't it?"167"Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me."168"Oh, yes," said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite169agree."170He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed.171While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom172window and peered down into the front garden. The cat was still there.173It was staring down Privet Drive as though it were waiting for174something.175Was he imagining things? Could all this have anything to do with the176Potters? If it did... if it got out that they were related to a pair of177-- well, he didn't think he could bear it.178The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr.179Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting180thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters were181involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs.182Dursley. The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about1835184 185them and their kind.... He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get186mixed up in anything that might be going on -- he yawned and turned over187-- it couldn't affect them....188How very wrong he was.189Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but the cat190on the wall outside was showing no sign of sleepiness. It was sitting as191still as a statue, its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far corner of192Privet Drive. It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed on the193next street, nor when two owls swooped overhead. In fact, it was nearly194midnight before the cat moved at all.195A man appeared on the corner the cat had been watching, appeared so196suddenly and silently you'd have thought he'd just popped out of the197ground. The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed.198Nothing like this man had ever been seen on Privet Drive. He was tall,199thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which200were both long enough to tuck into his belt. He was wearing long robes,201a purple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots.202His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon203spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been204broken at least twice. This man's name was Albus Dumbledore.205Albus Dumbledore didn't seem to realize that he had just arrived in a206street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome. He was207busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. But he did seem to208realize he was being watched, because he looked up suddenly at the cat,209which was still staring at him from the other end of the street. For210some reason, the sight of the cat seemed to amuse him. He chuckled and211muttered, "I should have known."212He found what he was looking for in his inside pocket. It seemed to be a213silver cigarette lighter. He flicked it open, held it up in the air, and214clicked it. The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop. He215clicked it again -- the next lamp flickered into darkness. Twelve times216he clicked the Put-Outer, until the only lights left on the whole street217were two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which were the eyes of the cat218watching him. If anyone looked out of their window now, even beady-eyed219Mrs. Dursley, they wouldn't be able to see anything that was happening220down on the pavement. Dumbledore slipped the Put-Outer back inside his221cloak and set off down the street toward number four, where he sat down2226223 224on the wall next to the cat. He didn't look at it, but after a moment he225spoke to it.226"Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall."227He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead he was smiling228at a rather severe-looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly229the shape of the markings the cat had had around its eyes. She, too, was230wearing a cloak, an emerald one. Her black hair was drawn into a tight231bun. She looked distinctly ruffled.232"How did you know it was me?" she asked.233"My dear Professor, I 've never seen a cat sit so stiffly."234"You'd be stiff if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day," said235Professor McGonagall.236"All day? When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a237dozen feasts and parties on my way here."238Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily.239"Oh yes, everyone's celebrating, all right," she said impatiently.240"You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no -- even the Muggles241have noticed something's going on. It was on their news." She jerked her242head back at the Dursleys' dark living-room window. "I heard it. Flocks243of owls... shooting stars.... Well, they're not completely stupid. They244were bound to notice something. Shooting stars down in Kent -- I'll bet245that was Dedalus Diggle. He never had much sense."246"You can't blame them," said Dumbledore gently. "We've had precious247little to celebrate for eleven years."248"I know that," said Professor McGonagall irritably. "But that's no249reason to lose our heads. People are being downright careless, out on250the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes,251swapping rumors."252She threw a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping253he was going to tell her something, but he didn't, so she went on. "A254fine thing it would be if, on the very day YouKnow-Who seems to have255disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all. I suppose he2567257 258really has gone, Dumbledore?"259"It certainly seems so," said Dumbledore. "We have much to be thankful260for. Would you care for a lemon drop?"261"A what?"262"A lemon drop. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of"263"No, thank you," said Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't264think this was the moment for lemon drops. "As I say, even if265You-Know-Who has gone -"266"My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like yourself can call him267by his name? All this 'You- Know-Who' nonsense -- for eleven years I268have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name:269Voldemort." Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was270unsticking two lemon drops, seemed not to notice. "It all gets so271confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' I have never seen any reason272to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name.273"I know you haven 't, said Professor McGonagall, sounding half274exasperated, half admiring. "But you're different. Everyone knows you're275the only one You-Know- oh, all right, Voldemort, was frightened of."276"You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will277never have."278"Only because you're too -- well -- noble to use them."279"It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey280told me she liked my new earmuffs."281Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore and said, "The owls282are nothing next to the rumors that are flying around. You know what283everyone's saying? About why he's disappeared? About what finally284stopped him?"285It seemed that Professor McGonagall had reached the point she was most286anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold, hard287wall all day, for neither as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed288Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now. It was plain that289whatever "everyone" was saying, she was not going to believe it until2908291 292Dumbledore told her it was true. Dumbledore, however, was choosing293another lemon drop and did not answer.294"What they're saying," she pressed on, "is that last night Voldemort295turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters. The rumor is296that Lily and James Potter are -- are -- that they're -- dead. "297Dumbledore bowed his head. Professor McGonagall gasped.298"Lily and James... I can't believe it... I didn't want to believe it...299Oh, Albus..."300Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "I know... I301know..." he said heavily.302Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on. "That's not all.303They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry. But -- he304couldn't. He couldn't kill that little boy. No one knows why, or how,305but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's306power somehow broke -- and that's why he's gone.307Dumbledore nodded glumly.308"It's -- it's true?" faltered Professor McGonagall. "After all he's309done... all the people he's killed... he couldn't kill a little boy?310It's just astounding... of all the things to stop him... but how in the311name of heaven did Harry survive?"312"We can only guess," said Dumbledore. "We may never know."313Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her314eyes beneath her spectacles. Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took a315golden watch from his pocket and examined it. It was a very odd watch.316It had twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets were moving317around the edge. It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because318he put it back in his pocket and said, "Hagrid's late. I suppose it was319he who told you I'd be here, by the way?"320"Yes," said Professor McGonagall. "And I don't suppose you're going to321tell me why you're here, of all places?"322"I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family323he has left now."3249325 326"You don't mean -- you can't mean the people who live here?" cried327Professor McGonagall, jumping to her feet and pointing at number four.328"Dumbledore -- you can't. I've been watching them all day. You couldn't329find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son -- I saw330him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets.331Harry Potter come and live here!"332"It's the best place for him," said Dumbledore firmly. "His aunt and333uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've334written them a letter."335"A letter?" repeated Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down on336the wall. "Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a337letter? These people will never understand him! He'll be famous -- a338legend -- I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter day339in the future -- there will be books written about Harry -- every child340in our world will know his name!"341"Exactly," said Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his342half-moon glasses. "It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous343before he can walk and talk! Famous for something he won't even344remember! CarA you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away345from all that until he's ready to take it?"346Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, changed her mind, swallowed, and347then said, "Yes -- yes, you're right, of course. But how is the boy348getting here, Dumbledore?" She eyed his cloak suddenly as though she349thought he might be hiding Harry underneath it.350"Hagrid's bringing him."351"You think it -- wise -- to trust Hagrid with something as important as352this?"353I would trust Hagrid with my life," said Dumbledore.354"I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place," said Professor355McGonagall grudgingly, "but you can't pretend he's not careless. He does356tend to -- what was that?"357A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them. It grew358steadily louder as they looked up and down the street for some sign of a35910360 361headlight; it swelled to a roar as they both looked up at the sky -- and362a huge motorcycle fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of363them.364If the motorcycle was huge, it was nothing to the man sitting astride365it. He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times366as wide. He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so wild - long367tangles of bushy black hair and beard hid most of his face, he had hands368the size of trash can lids, and his feet in their leather boots were369like baby dolphins. In his vast, muscular arms he was holding a bundle370of blankets.371"Hagrid," said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did372you get that motorcycle?"373"Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sit," said the giant, climbing374carefully off the motorcycle as he spoke. "Young Sirius Black lent it to375me. I've got him, sir."376"No problems, were there?"377"No, sir -- house was almost destroyed, but I got him out all right378before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we was379flyin' over Bristol."380Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall bent forward over the bundle of381blankets. Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. Under a382tuft of jet-black hair over his forehead they could see a curiously383shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning.384"Is that where -?" whispered Professor McGonagall.385"Yes," said Dumbledore. "He'll have that scar forever."386"Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?"387"Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself388above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground. Well389-- give him here, Hagrid -- we'd better get this over with."390Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned toward the Dursleys' house.391"Could I -- could I say good-bye to him, sir?" asked Hagrid. He bent his39211393 394great, shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very395scratchy, whiskery kiss. Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a396wounded dog.397"Shhh!" hissed Professor McGonagall, "you'll wake the Muggles!"398"S-s-sorry," sobbed Hagrid, taking out a large, spotted handkerchief and399burying his face in it. "But I c-c-can't stand it -- Lily an' James dead400-- an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles -"401"Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or402we'll be found," Professor McGonagall whispered, patting Hagrid gingerly403on the arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to404the front door. He laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out405of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blankets, and then came back to406the other two. For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at407the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall408blinked furiously, and the twinkling light that usually shone from409Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out.410"Well," said Dumbledore finally, "that's that. We've no business staying411here. We may as well go and join the celebrations."412"Yeah," said Hagrid in a very muffled voice, "I'll be takin' Sirius his413bike back. G'night, Professor McGonagall -- Professor Dumbledore, sir."414Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself415onto the motorcycle and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose416into the air and off into the night.417"I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall," said Dumbledore,418nodding to her. Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply.419Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. On the corner he420stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. He clicked it once, and421twelve balls of light sped back to their street lamps so that Privet422Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking423around the corner at the other end of the street. He could just see the424bundle of blankets on the step of number four.425"Good luck, Harry," he murmured. He turned on his heel and with a swish426of his cloak, he was gone.427 42812429 430A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and431tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect432astonishing things to happen. Harry Potter rolled over inside his433blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside434him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was435famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by Mrs.436Dursley's scream as she opened the front door to put out the milk437bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and438pinched by his cousin Dudley... He couldn't know that at this very439moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up440their glasses and saying in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter -- the boy441who lived!"442CHAPTER TWO443THE VANISHING GLASS444Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find445their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at446all. The sun rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass447number four on the Dursleys' front door; it crept into their living448room, which was almost exactly the same as it had been on the night when449Mr. Dursley had seen that fateful news report about the owls. Only the450photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed.451Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of what looked like a452large pink beach ball wearing different-colored bonnets -- but Dudley453Dursley was no longer a baby, and now the photographs showed a large454blond boy riding his first bicycle, on a carousel at the fair, playing a455computer game with his father, being hugged and kissed by his mother.456The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.457Yet Harry Potter was still there, asleep at the moment, but not for458long. His Aunt Petunia was awake and it was her shrill voice that made459the first noise of the day.460"Up! Get up! Now!"461Harry woke with a start. His aunt rapped on the door again.462"Up!" she screeched. Harry heard her walking toward the kitchen and then463the sound of the frying pan being put on the stove. He rolled onto his464back and tried to remember the dream he had been having. It had been a46513466 467good one. There had been a flying motorcycle in it. He had a funny468feeling he'd had the same dream before.469His aunt was back outside the door.470"Are you up yet?" she demanded.471"Nearly," said Harry.472"Well, get a move on, I want you to look after the bacon. And don't you473dare let it burn, I want everything perfect on Duddy's birthday."474Harry groaned.475"What did you say?" his aunt snapped through the door.476"Nothing, nothing..."477Dudley's birthday -- how could he have forgotten? Harry got slowly out478of bed and started looking for socks. He found a pair under his bed and,479after pulling a spider off one of them, put them on. Harry was used to480spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them, and481that was where he slept.482When he was dressed he went down the hall into the kitchen. The table483was almost hidden beneath all Dudley's birthday presents. It looked as484though Dudley had gotten the new computer he wanted, not to mention the485second television and the racing bike. Exactly why Dudley wanted a486racing bike was a mystery to Harry, as Dudley was very fat and hated487exercise -- unless of course it involved punching somebody. Dudley's488favorite punching bag was Harry, but he couldn't often catch him. Harry489didn't look it, but he was very fast.490Perhaps it had something to do with living in a dark cupboard, but Harry491had always been small and skinny for his age. He looked even smaller and492skinnier than he really was because all he had to wear were old clothes493of Dudley's, and Dudley was about four times bigger than he was. Harry494had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair, and bright green eyes. He495wore round glasses held together with a lot of Scotch tape because of496all the times Dudley had punched him on the nose. The only thing Harry497liked about his own appearance was a very thin scar on his forehead that498was shaped like a bolt of lightning. He had had it as long as he could499remember, and the first question he could ever remember asking his Aunt50014501 502Petunia was how he had gotten it.503"In the car crash when your parents died," she had said. "And don't ask504questions."505Don't ask questions -- that was the first rule for a quiet life with the506Dursleys.507Uncle Vernon entered the kitchen as Harry was turning over the bacon.508"Comb your hair!" he barked, by way of a morning greeting.509About once a week, Uncle Vernon looked over the top of his newspaper and510shouted that Harry needed a haircut. Harry must have had more haircuts511than the rest of the boys in his class put512together, but it made no difference, his hair simply grew that way -all over the place.513Harry was frying eggs by the time Dudley arrived in the kitchen with his514mother. Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Vernon. He had a large pink face,515not much neck, small, watery blue eyes, and thick blond hair that lay516smoothly on his thick, fat head. Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley517looked like a baby angel -- Harry often said that Dudley looked like a518pig in a wig.519Harry put the plates of egg and bacon on the table, which was difficult520as there wasn't much room. Dudley, meanwhile, was counting his presents.521His face fell.522"Thirty-six," he said, looking up at his mother and father. "That's two523less than last year."524"Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Marge's present, see, it's here525under this big one from Mommy and Daddy."526"All right, thirty-seven then," said Dudley, going red in the face.527Harry, who could see a huge Dudley tantrum coming on, began wolfing down528his bacon as fast as possible in case Dudley turned the table over.529Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger, too, because she said quickly,530"And we'll buy you another two presents while we're out today. How's531that, popkin? Two more presents. Is that all right''53215533 534Dudley thought for a moment. It looked like hard work. Finally he said535slowly, "So I'll have thirty ... thirty..."536"Thirty-nine, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia.537"Oh." Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. "All right538then."539Uncle Vernon chuckled. "Little tyke wants his money's worth, just like540his father. 'Atta boy, Dudley!" He ruffled Dudley's hair.541At that moment the telephone rang and Aunt Petunia went to answer it542while Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Dudley unwrap the racing bike, a543video camera, a remote control airplane, sixteen new computer games, and544a VCR. He was ripping the paper off a gold wristwatch when Aunt Petunia545came back from the telephone looking both angry and worried.546"Bad news, Vernon," she said. "Mrs. Figg's broken her leg. She can't547take him." She jerked her head in Harry's direction.548Dudley's mouth fell open in horror, but Harry's heart gave a leap. Every549year on Dudley's birthday, his parents took him and a friend out for the550day, to adventure parks, hamburger restaurants, or the movies. Every551year, Harry was left behind with Mrs. Figg, a mad old lady who lived two552streets away. Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage553and Mrs. Figg made him look at photographs of all the cats she'd ever554owned.555"Now what?" said Aunt Petunia, looking furiously at Harry as though he'd556planned this. Harry knew he ought to feel sorry that Mrs. Figg had557broken her leg, but it wasn't easy when he reminded himself it would be558a whole year before he had to look at Tibbles, Snowy, Mr. Paws, and559Tufty again.560"We could phone Marge," Uncle Vernon suggested.561"Don't be silly, Vernon, she hates the boy."562The Dursleys often spoke about Harry like this, as though he wasn't563there -- or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn't564understand them, like a slug.565 56616567 568"What about what's-her-name, your friend -- Yvonne?"569"On vacation in Majorca," snapped Aunt Petunia.570"You could just leave me here," Harry put in hopefully (he'd be able to571watch what he wanted on television for a change and maybe even have a go572on Dudley's computer).573Aunt Petunia looked as though she'd just swallowed a lemon.574"And come back and find the house in ruins?" she snarled.575"I won't blow up the house," said Harry, but they weren't listening.576"I suppose we could take him to the zoo," said Aunt Petunia slowly, "...577and leave him in the car...."578"That car's new, he's not sitting in it alone...."579Dudley began to cry loudly. In fact, he wasn't really crying -- it had580been years since he'd really cried -- but he knew that if he screwed up581his face and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted.582"Dinky Duddydums, don't cry, Mummy won't let him spoil your special583day!" she cried, flinging her arms around him.584"I... don't... want... him... t-t-to come!" Dudley yelled between huge,585pretend sobs. "He always sp- spoils everything!" He shot Harry a nasty586grin through the gap in his mother's arms.587Just then, the doorbell rang -- "Oh, good Lord, they're here!" said Aunt588Petunia frantically -- and a moment later, Dudley's best friend, Piers589Polkiss, walked in with his mother. Piers was a scrawny boy with a face590like a rat. He was usually the one who held people's arms behind their591backs while Dudley hit them. Dudley stopped pretending to cry at once.592Half an hour later, Harry, who couldn't believe his luck, was sitting in593the back of the Dursleys' car with Piers and Dudley, on the way to the594zoo for the first time in his life. His aunt and uncle hadn't been able595to think of anything else to do with him, but before they'd left, Uncle596Vernon had taken Harry aside.597"I'm warning you," he had said, putting his large purple face right up59817599 600close to Harry's, "I'm warning you now, boy -- any funny business,601anything at all -- and you'll be in that cupboard from now until602Christmas."603"I'm not going to do anything," said Harry, "honestly..604But Uncle Vernon didn't believe him. No one ever did.605The problem was, strange things often happened around Harry and it was606just no good telling the Dursleys he didn't make them happen.607Once, Aunt Petunia, tired of Harry coming back from the barbers looking608as though he hadn't been at all, had taken a pair of kitchen scissors609and cut his hair so short he was almost bald except for his bangs, which610she left "to hide that horrible scar." Dudley had laughed himself silly611at Harry, who spent a sleepless night imagining school the next day,612where he was already laughed at for his baggy clothes and taped glasses.613Next morning, however, he had gotten up to find his hair exactly as it614had been before Aunt Petunia had sheared it off He had been given a week615in his cupboard for this, even though he had tried to explain that he616couldn't explain how it had grown back so quickly.617Another time, Aunt Petunia had been trying to force him into a revolting618old sweater of Dudley's (brown with orange puff balls) -- The harder she619tried to pull it over his head, the smaller it seemed to become, until620finally it might have fitted a hand puppet, but certainly wouldn't fit621Harry. Aunt Petunia had decided it must have shrunk in the wash and, to622his great relief, Harry wasn't punished.623On the other hand, he'd gotten into terrible trouble for being found on624the roof of the school kitchens. Dudley's gang had been chasing him as625usual when, as much to Harry's surprise as anyone else's, there he was626sitting on the chimney. The Dursleys had received a very angry letter627from Harry's headmistress telling them Harry had been climbing school628buildings. But all he'd tried to do (as he shouted at Uncle Vernon629through the locked door of his cupboard) was jump behind the big trash630cans outside the kitchen doors. Harry supposed that the wind must have631caught him in mid- jump.632But today, nothing was going to go wrong. It was even worth being with633Dudley and Piers to be spending the day somewhere that wasn't school,634his cupboard, or Mrs. Figg's cabbage-smelling living room.635 63618637 638While he drove, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. He liked to639complain about things: people at work, Harry, the council, Harry, the640bank, and Harry were just a few of his favorite subjects. This morning,641it was motorcycles.642"... roaring along like maniacs, the young hoodlums," he said, as a643motorcycle overtook them.644I had a dream about a motorcycle," said Harry, remembering suddenly. "It645was flying."646Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front. He turned right647around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beet648with a mustache: "MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY!"649Dudley and Piers sniggered.650I know they don't," said Harry. "It was only a dream."651But he wished he hadn't said anything. If there was one thing the652Dursleys hated even more than his asking questions, it was his talking653about anything acting in a way it shouldn't, no matter if it was in a654dream or even a cartoon -- they seemed to think he might get dangerous655ideas.656It was a very sunny Saturday and the zoo was crowded with families. The657Dursleys bought Dudley and Piers large chocolate ice creams at the658entrance and then, because the smiling lady in the van had asked Harry659what he wanted before they could hurry him away, they bought him a cheap660lemon ice pop. It wasn't bad, either, Harry thought, licking it as they661watched a gorilla scratching its head who looked remarkably like Dudley,662except that it wasn't blond.663Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time. He was careful to664walk a little way apart from the Dursleys so that Dudley and Piers, who665were starting to get bored with the animals by lunchtime, wouldn't fall666back on their favorite hobby of hitting him. They ate in the zoo667restaurant, and when Dudley had a tantrum because his knickerbocker668glory didn't have enough ice cream on top, Uncle Vernon bought him669another one and Harry was allowed to finish the first.670Harry felt, afterward, that he should have known it was all too good to671last.67219673 674After lunch they went to the reptile house. It was cool and dark in675there, with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts676of lizards and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and677stone. Dudley and Piers wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick,678man-crushing pythons. Dudley quickly found the largest snake in the679place. It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon's car680and crushed it into a trash can -- but at the moment it didn't look in681the mood. In fact, it was fast asleep.682Dudley stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the683glistening brown coils.684"Make it move," he whined at his father. Uncle Vernon tapped on the685glass, but the snake didn't budge.686"Do it again," Dudley ordered. Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly687with his knuckles, but the snake just snoozed on.688"This is boring," Dudley moaned. He shuffled away.689Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He690wouldn't have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself -- no691company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying692to disturb it all day long. It was worse than having a cupboard as a693bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door694to wake you up; at least he got to visit the rest of the house.695The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised696its head until its eyes were on a level with Harry's.697It winked.698Harry stared. Then he looked quickly around to see if anyone was699watching. They weren't. He looked back at the snake and winked, too.700The snake jerked its head toward Uncle Vernon and Dudley, then raised701its eyes to the ceiling. It gave Harry a look that said quite plainly:702"I get that all the time.703"I know," Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn't sure the704snake could hear him. "It must be really annoying."70520706 707The snake nodded vigorously.708"Where do you come from, anyway?" Harry asked.709The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry710peered at it.711Boa Constrictor, Brazil.712"Was it nice there?"713The boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on:714This specimen was bred in the zoo. "Oh, I see -- so you've never been to715Brazil?"716As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of717them jump.718"DUDLEY! MR. DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU719WON'T BELIEVE720WHAT IT'S DOING!"721Dudley came waddling toward them as fast as he could.722"Out of the way, you," he said, punching Harry in the ribs. Caught by723surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. What came next happened724so fast no one saw how it happened -- one second, Piers and Dudley were725leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with726howls of horror.727Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor's tank728had vanished. The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering729out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and730started running for the exits.731As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low,732hissing voice said, "Brazil, here I come.... Thanksss, amigo."733The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.734"But the glass," he kept saying, "where did the glass go?"735 73621737 738The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong, sweet tea739while he apologized over and over again. Piers and Dudley could only740gibber. As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn't done anything except741snap playfully at their heels as it passed, but by the time they were742all back in Uncle Vernon's car, Dudley was telling them how it had743nearly bitten off his leg, while Piers was swearing it had tried to744squeeze him to death. But worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers745calming down enough to say, "Harry was talking to it, weren't you,746Harry?"747Uncle Vernon waited until Piers was safely out of the house before748starting on Harry. He was so angry he could hardly speak. He managed to749say, "Go -- cupboard -- stay -- no meals," before he collapsed into a750chair, and Aunt Petunia had to run and get him a large brandy.751Harry lay in his dark cupboard much later, wishing he had a watch. He752didn't know what time it was and he couldn't be sure the Dursleys were753asleep yet. Until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking to the kitchen754for some food.755He'd lived with the Dursleys almost ten years, ten miserable years, as756long as he could remember, ever since he'd been a baby and his parents757had died in that car crash. He couldn't remember being in the car when758his parents had died. Sometimes, when he strained his memory during long759hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding760flash of green light and a burn- ing pain on his forehead. This, he761supposed, was the crash, though he couldn't imagine where all the green762light came from. He couldn't remember his parents at all. His aunt and763uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask764questions. There were no photographs of them in the house.765When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown766relation coming to take him away, but it had never happened; the767Dursleys were his only family. Yet sometimes he thought (or maybe hoped)768that strangers in the street seemed to know him. Very strange strangers769they were, too. A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once770while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. After asking Harry771furiously if he knew the man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the772shop without buying anything. A wild-looking old woman dressed all in773green had waved merrily at him once on a bus. A bald man in a very long774purple coat had actually shaken his hand in the street the other day and775then walked away without a word. The weirdest thing about all these776people was the way they seemed to vanish the second Harry tried to get a77722778 779closer look.780At school, Harry had no one. Everybody knew that Dudley's gang hated781that odd Harry Potter in his baggy old clothes and broken glasses, and782nobody liked to disagree with Dudley's gang.783CHAPTER THREE784THE LETTERS FROM NO ONE785The escape of the Brazilian boa constrictor earned Harry his786longest-ever punishment. By the time he was allowed out of his cupboard787again, the summer holidays had started and Dudley had already broken his788new video camera, crashed his remote control airplane, and, first time789out on his racing bike, knocked down old Mrs. Figg as she crossed Privet790Drive on her crutches.791Harry was glad school was over, but there was no escaping Dudley's gang,792who visited the house every single day. Piers, Dennis, Malcolm, and793Gordon were all big and stupid, but as Dudley was the biggest and794stupidest of the lot, he was the leader. The rest of them were all quite795happy to join in Dudley's favorite sport: Harry Hunting.796This was why Harry spent as much time as possible out of the house,797wandering around and thinking about the end of the holidays, where he798could see a tiny ray of hope. When September came he would be going off799to secondary school and, for the first time in his life, he wouldn't be800with Dudley. Dudley had been accepted at Uncle Vernon's old private801school, Smeltings. Piers Polkiss was going there too. Harry, on the802other hand, was going to Stonewall High, the local public school. Dudley803thought this was very funny.804"They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall,"805he told Harry. "Want to come upstairs and practice?"806"No, thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as807horrible as your head down it -- it might be sick." Then he ran, before808Dudley could work out what he'd said.809One day in July, Aunt Petunia took Dudley to London to buy his Smeltings810uniform, leaving Harry at Mrs. Figg's. Mrs. Figg wasn 't as bad as811usual. It turned out she'd broken her leg tripping over one of her cats,81223813 814and she didn't seem quite as fond of them as before. She let Harry watch815television and gave him a bit of chocolate cake that tasted as though816she'd had it for several years.817That evening, Dudley paraded around the living room for the family in818his brand-new uniform. Smeltings' boys wore maroon tailcoats, orange819knickerbockers, and flat straw hats called boaters. They also carried820knobbly sticks, used for hitting each other while the teachers weren't821looking. This was supposed to be good training for later life.822As he looked at Dudley in his new knickerbockers, Uncle Vernon said823gruffly that it was the proudest moment of his life. Aunt Petunia burst824into tears and said she couldn't believe it was her Ickle Dudleykins, he825looked so handsome and grown-up. Harry didn't trust himself to speak. He826thought two of his ribs might already have cracked from trying not to827laugh.828There was a horrible smell in the kitchen the next morning when Harry829went in for breakfast. It seemed to be coming from a large metal tub in830the sink. He went to have a look. The tub was full of what looked like831dirty rags swimming in gray water.832"What's this?" he asked Aunt Petunia. Her lips tightened as they always833did if he dared to ask a question.834"Your new school uniform," she said.835Harry looked in the bowl again.836"Oh," he said, "I didn't realize it had to be so wet."837"DotA be stupid," snapped Aunt Petunia. "I'm dyeing some of Dudley's old838things gray for you. It'll look just like everyone else's when I've839finished."840Harry seriously doubted this, but thought it best not to argue. He sat841down at the table and tried not to think about how he was going to look842on his first day at Stonewall High -- like he was wearing bits of old843elephant skin, probably.844Dudley and Uncle Vernon came in, both with wrinkled noses because of the845smell from Harry's new uniform. Uncle Vernon opened his newspaper as846usual and Dudley banged his Smelting stick, which he carried everywhere,84724848 849on the table.850They heard the click of the mail slot and flop of letters on the851doormat.852"Get the mail, Dudley," said Uncle Vernon from behind his paper.853"Make Harry get it."854"Get the mail, Harry."855"Make Dudley get it."856"Poke him with your Smelting stick, Dudley."857Harry dodged the Smelting stick and went to get the mail. Three things858lay on the doormat: a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister Marge, who was859vacationing on the Isle of Wight, a brown envelope that looked like a860bill, and -- a letter for Harry.861Harry picked it up and stared at it, his heart twanging like a giant862elastic band. No one, ever, in his whole life, had written to him. Who863would? He had no friends, no other relatives -- he didn't belong to the864library, so he'd never even got rude notes asking for books back. Yet865here it was, a letter, addressed so plainly there could be no mistake:866Mr. H. Potter867The Cupboard under the Stairs8684 Privet Drive869Little Whinging870Surrey871The envelope was thick and heavy, made of yellowish parchment, and the872address was written in emerald-green ink. There was no stamp.873Turning the envelope over, his hand trembling, Harry saw a purple wax874seal bearing a coat of arms; a lion, an eagle, a badger, and a snake875surrounding a large letter H.876 87725878 879"Hurry up, boy!" shouted Uncle Vernon from the kitchen. "What are you880doing, checking for letter bombs?" He chuckled at his own joke.881Harry went back to the kitchen, still staring at his letter. He handed882Uncle Vernon the bill and the postcard, sat down, and slowly began to883open the yellow envelope.884Uncle Vernon ripped open the bill, snorted in disgust, and flipped over885the postcard.886"Marge's ill," he informed Aunt Petunia. "Ate a funny whelk. --."887"Dad!" said Dudley suddenly. "Dad, Harry's got something!"888Harry was on the point of unfolding his letter, which was written on the889same heavy parchment as the envelope, when it was jerked sharply out of890his hand by Uncle Vernon.891"That's mine!" said Harry, trying to snatch it back.892"Who'd be writing to you?" sneered Uncle Vernon, shaking the letter open893with one hand and glancing at it. His face went from red to green faster894than a set of traffic lights. And it didn't stop there. Within seconds895it was the grayish white of old porridge.896"P-P-Petunia!" he gasped.897Dudley tried to grab the letter to read it, but Uncle Vernon held it898high out of his reach. Aunt Petunia took it curiously and read the first899line. For a moment it looked as though she might faint. She clutched her900throat and made a choking noise.901"Vernon! Oh my goodness -- Vernon!"902They stared at each other, seeming to have forgotten that Harry and903Dudley were still in the room. Dudley wasn't used to being ignored. He904gave his father a sharp tap on the head with his Smelting stick.905"I want to read that letter," he said loudly. want to read it," said906Harry furiously, "as it's mine."907"Get out, both of you," croaked Uncle Vernon, stuffing the letter back908inside its envelope.90926910 911Harry didn't move.912I WANT MY LETTER!" he shouted.913"Let me see it!" demanded Dudley.914"OUT!" roared Uncle Vernon, and he took both Harry and Dudley by the915scruffs of their necks and threw them into the hall, slamming the916kitchen door behind them. Harry and Dudley promptly had a furious but917silent fight over who would listen at the keyhole; Dudley won, so Harry,918his glasses dangling from one ear, lay flat on his stomach to listen at919the crack between door and floor.920"Vernon," Aunt Petunia was saying in a quivering voice, "look at the921address -- how could they possibly know where he sleeps? You don't think922they're watching the house?"923"Watching -- spying -- might be following us," muttered Uncle Vernon924wildly.925"But what should we do, Vernon? Should we write back? Tell them we don't926want --"927Harry could see Uncle Vernon's shiny black shoes pacing up and down the928kitchen.929"No," he said finally. "No, we'll ignore it. If they don't get an930answer... Yes, that's best... we won't do anything....931"But --"932"I'm not having one in the house, Petunia! Didn't we swear when we took933him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?"934That evening when he got back from work, Uncle Vernon did something he'd935never done before; he visited Harry in his cupboard.936"Where's my letter?" said Harry, the moment Uncle Vernon had squeezed937through the door. "Who's writing to me?"938"No one. it was addressed to you by mistake," said Uncle Vernon shortly.939"I have burned it."94027941 942"It was not a mistake," said Harry angrily, "it had my cupboard on it."943"SILENCE!" yelled Uncle Vernon, and a couple of spiders fell from the944ceiling. He took a few deep breaths and then forced his face into a945smile, which looked quite painful.946"Er -- yes, Harry -- about this cupboard. Your aunt and I have been947thinking... you're really getting a bit big for it... we think it might948be nice if you moved into Dudley's second bedroom.949"Why?" said Harry.950"Don't ask questions!" snapped his uncle. "Take this stuff upstairs,951now."952The Dursleys' house had four bedrooms: one for Uncle Vernon and Aunt953Petunia, one for visitors (usually Uncle Vernon's sister, Marge), one954where Dudley slept, and one where Dudley kept all the toys and things955that wouldn't fit into his first bedroom. It only took Harry one trip956upstairs to move everything he owned from the cupboard to this room. He957sat down on the bed and stared around him. Nearly everything in here was958broken. The month-old video camera was lying on top of a small, working959tank Dudley had once driven over the next door neighbor's dog; in the960corner was Dudley's first-ever television set, which he'd put his foot961through when his favorite program had been canceled; there was a large962birdcage, which had once held a parrot that Dudley had swapped at school963for a real air rifle, which was up on a shelf with the end all bent964because Dudley had sat on it. Other shelves were full of books. They965were the only things in the room that looked as though they'd never been966touched.967From downstairs came the sound of Dudley bawling at his mother, I don't968want him in there... I need that room... make him get out...."969Harry sighed and stretched out on the bed. Yesterday he'd have given970anything to be up here. Today he'd rather be back in his cupboard with971that letter than up here without it.972Next morning at breakfast, everyone was rather quiet. Dudley was in973shock. He'd screamed, whacked his father with his Smelting stick, been974sick on purpose, kicked his mother, and thrown his tortoise through the975greenhouse roof, and he still didn't have his room back. Harry was97628977 978thinking about this time yesterday and bitterly wishing he'd opened the979letter in the hall. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia kept looking at each980other darkly.981When the mail arrived, Uncle Vernon, who seemed to be trying to be nice982to Harry, made Dudley go and get it. They heard him banging things with983his Smelting stick all the way down the hall. Then he shouted, "There's984another one! 'Mr. H. Potter, The Smallest Bedroom, 4 Privet Drive --'"985With a strangled cry, Uncle Vernon leapt from his seat and ran down the986hall, Harry right behind him. Uncle Vernon had to wrestle Dudley to the987ground to get the letter from him, which was made difficult by the fact988that Harry had grabbed Uncle Vernon around the neck from behind. After a989minute of confused fighting, in which everyone got hit a lot by the990Smelting stick, Uncle Vernon straightened up, gasping for breath, with991Harry's letter clutched in his hand.992"Go to your cupboard -- I mean, your bedroom," he wheezed at Harry.993"Dudley -- go -- just go."994Harry walked round and round his new room. Someone knew he had moved out995of his cupboard and they seemed to know he hadn't received his first996letter. Surely that meant they'd try again? And this time he'd make sure997they didn't fail. He had a plan.998The repaired alarm clock rang at six o'clock the next morning. Harry999turned it off quickly and dressed silently. He mustn't wake the1000Dursleys. He stole downstairs without turning on any of the lights.1001He was going to wait for the postman on the corner of Privet Drive and1002get the letters for number four first. His heart hammered as he crept1003across the dark hall toward the front door -Harry leapt into the air; he'd trodden on something big and squashy on1004the doormat -- something alive!1005Lights clicked on upstairs and to his horror Harry realized that the1006big, squashy something had been his uncle's face. Uncle Vernon had been1007lying at the foot of the front door in a sleeping bag, clearly making1008sure that Harry didn't do exactly what he'd been trying to do. He1009shouted at Harry for about half an hour and then told him to go and make1010a cup of tea. Harry shuffled miserably off into the kitchen and by the1011time he got back, the mail had arrived, right into Uncle Vernon's lap.1012291013 1014Harry could see three letters addressed in green ink.1015I want --" he began, but Uncle Vernon was tearing the letters into1016pieces before his eyes. Uncle Vernon didnt go to work that day. He1017stayed at home and nailed up the mail slot.1018"See," he explained to Aunt Petunia through a mouthful of nails, "if1019they can't deliver them they'll just give up."1020"I'm not sure that'll work, Vernon."1021"Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not1022like you and me," said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with the1023piece of fruitcake Aunt Petunia had just brought him.1024On Friday, no less than twelve letters arrived for Harry. As they1025couldn't go through the mail slot they had been pushed under the door,1026slotted through the sides, and a few even forced through the small1027window in the downstairs bathroom.1028Uncle Vernon stayed at home again. After burning all the letters, he got1029out a hammer and nails and boarded up the cracks around the front and1030back doors so no one could go out. He hummed "Tiptoe Through the Tulips"1031as he worked, and jumped at small noises.1032On Saturday, things began to get out of hand. Twenty-four letters to1033Harry found their way into the house, rolled up and hidden inside each1034of the two dozen eggs that their very confused milkman had handed Aunt1035Petunia through the living room window. While Uncle Vernon made furious1036telephone calls to the post office and the dairy trying to find someone1037to complain to, Aunt Petunia shredded the letters in her food processor.1038"Who on earth wants to talk to you this badly?" Dudley asked Harry in1039amazement.1040On Sunday morning, Uncle Vernon sat down at the breakfast table looking1041tired and rather ill, but happy.1042"No post on Sundays," he reminded them cheerfully as he spread marmalade1043on his newspapers, "no damn letters today --"1044Something came whizzing down the kitchen chimney as he spoke and caught1045him sharply on the back of the head. Next moment, thirty or forty1046301047 1048letters came pelting out of the fireplace like bullets. The Dursleys1049ducked, but Harry leapt into the air trying to catch one.1050"Out! OUT!"1051Uncle Vernon seized Harry around the waist and threw him into the hall.1052When Aunt Petunia and Dudley had run out with their arms over their1053faces, Uncle Vernon slammed the door shut. They could hear the letters1054still streaming into the room, bouncing off the walls and floor.1055"That does it," said Uncle Vernon, trying to speak calmly but pulling1056great tufts out of his mustache at the same time. I want you all back1057here in five minutes ready to leave. We're going away. Just pack some1058clothes. No arguments!"1059He looked so dangerous with half his mustache missing that no one dared1060argue. Ten minutes later they had wrenched their way through the1061boarded-up doors and were in the car, speeding toward the highway.1062Dudley was sniffling in the back seat; his father had hit him round the1063head for holding them up while he tried to pack his television, VCR, and1064computer in his sports bag.1065They drove. And they drove. Even Aunt Petunia didn't dare ask where they1066were going. Every now and then Uncle Vernon would take a sharp turn and1067drive in the opposite direction for a while. "Shake'em off... shake 'em1068off," he would mutter whenever he did this.1069They didn't stop to eat or drink all day. By nightfall Dudley was1070howling. He'd never had such a bad day in his life. He was hungry, he'd1071missed five television programs he'd wanted to see, and he'd never gone1072so long without blowing up an alien on his computer.1073Uncle Vernon stopped at last outside a gloomy-looking hotel on the1074outskirts of a big city. Dudley and Harry shared a room with twin beds1075and damp, musty sheets. Dudley snored but Harry stayed awake, sitting on1076the windowsill, staring down at the lights of passing cars and1077wondering....1078They ate stale cornflakes and cold tinned tomatoes on toast for1079breakfast the next day. They had just finished when the owner of the1080hotel came over to their table.1081"'Scuse me, but is one of you Mr. H. Potter? Only I got about an 'undred1082311083 1084of these at the front desk."1085She held up a letter so they could read the green ink address:1086Mr. H. Potter1087Room 171088Railview Hotel1089Cokeworth1090Harry made a grab for the letter but Uncle Vernon knocked his hand out1091of the way. The woman stared.1092"I'll take them," said Uncle Vernon, standing up quickly and following1093her from the dining room.1094Wouldn't it be better just to go home, dear?" Aunt Petunia suggested1095timidly, hours later, but Uncle Vernon didn't seem to hear her. Exactly1096what he was looking for, none of them knew. He drove them into the1097middle of a forest, got out, looked around, shook his head, got back in1098the car, and off they went again. The same thing happened in the middle1099of a plowed field, halfway across a suspension bridge, and at the top of1100a multilevel parking garage.1101"Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?" Dudley asked Aunt Petunia dully late that1102afternoon. Uncle Vernon had parked at the coast, locked them all inside1103the car, and disappeared.1104It started to rain. Great drops beat on the roof of the car. Dud ley1105sniveled.1106"It's Monday," he told his mother. "The Great Humberto's on tonight. I1107want to stay somewhere with a television. "1108Monday. This reminded Harry of something. If it was Monday -- and you1109could usually count on Dudley to know the days the week, because of1110television -- then tomorrow, Tuesday, was Harry's eleventh birthday. Of1111course, his birthdays were never exactly fun -- last year, the Dursleys1112had given him a coat hanger and a pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks.1113Still, you weren't eleven every day.1114 1115321116 1117Uncle Vernon was back and he was smiling. He was also carrying a long,1118thin package and didn't answer Aunt Petunia when she asked what he'd1119bought.1120"Found the perfect place!" he said. "Come on! Everyone out!"1121It was very cold outside the car. Uncle Vernon was pointing at what1122looked like a large rock way out at sea. Perched on top of the rock was1123the most miserable little shack you could imagine. One thing was1124certain, there was no television in there.1125"Storm forecast for tonight!" said Uncle Vernon gleefully, clapping his1126hands together. "And this gentleman's kindly agreed to lend us his1127boat!"1128A toothless old man came ambling up to them, pointing, with a rather1129wicked grin, at an old rowboat bobbing in the iron-gray water below1130them.1131"I've already got us some rations," said Uncle Vernon, "so all aboard!"1132It was freezing in the boat. Icy sea spray and rain crept down their1133necks and a chilly wind whipped their faces. After what seemed like1134hours they reached the rock, where Uncle Vernon, slipping and sliding,1135led the way to the broken-down house.1136The inside was horrible; it smelled strongly of seaweed, the wind1137whistled through the gaps in the wooden walls, and the fireplace was1138damp and empty. There were only two rooms.1139Uncle Vernon's rations turned out to be a bag of chips each and four1140bananas. He tried to start a fire but the empty chip bags just smoked1141and shriveled up.1142"Could do with some of those letters now, eh?" he said cheerfully.1143He was in a very good mood. Obviously he thought nobody stood a chance1144of reaching them here in a storm to deliver mail. Harry privately1145agreed, though the thought didn't cheer him up at all.1146As night fell, the promised storm blew up around them. Spray from the1147high waves splattered the walls of the hut and a fierce wind rattled the1148filthy windows. Aunt Petunia found a few moldy blankets in the second1149331150 1151room and made up a bed for Dudley on the moth-eaten sofa. She and Uncle1152Vernon went off to the lumpy bed next door, and Harry was left to find1153the softest bit of floor he could and to curl up under the thinnest,1154most ragged blanket.1155The storm raged more and more ferociously as the night went on. Harry1156couldn't sleep. He shivered and turned over, trying to get comfortable,1157his stomach rumbling with hunger. Dudley's snores were drowned by the1158low rolls of thunder that started near midnight. The lighted dial of1159Dudley's watch, which was dangling over the edge of the sofa on his fat1160wrist, told Harry he'd be eleven in ten minutes' time. He lay and1161watched his birthday tick nearer, wondering if the Dursleys would1162remember at all, wondering where the letter writer was now.1163Five minutes to go. Harry heard something creak outside. He hoped the1164roof wasn't going to fall in, although he might be warmer if it did.1165Four minutes to go. Maybe the house in Privet Drive would be so full of1166letters when they got back that he'd be able to steal one somehow.1167Three minutes to go. Was that the sea, slapping hard on the rock like1168that? And (two minutes to go) what was that funny crunching noise? Was1169the rock crumbling into the sea?1170One minute to go and he'd be eleven. Thirty seconds... twenty ... ten...1171nine -- maybe he'd wake Dudley up, just to annoy him -- three... two...1172one...1173BOOM.1174The whole shack shivered and Harry sat bolt upright, staring at the1175door. Someone was outside, knocking to come in.1176CHAPTER FOUR1177THE KEEPER OF THE KEYS1178BOOM. They knocked again. Dudley jerked awake. "Where's the cannon?" he1179said stupidly.1180There was a crash behind them and Uncle Vernon came skidding into the1181room. He was holding a rifle in his hands -- now they knew what had been1182in the long, thin package he had brought with them.1183341184 1185"Who's there?" he shouted. "I warn you -- I'm armed!"1186There was a pause. Then -SMASH!1187The door was hit with such force that it swung clean off its hinges and1188with a deafening crash landed flat on the floor.1189A giant of a man was standing in the doorway. His face was almost1190completely hidden by a long, shaggy mane of hair and a wild, tangled1191beard, but you could make out his eyes, glinting like black beetles1192under all the hair.1193The giant squeezed his way into the hut, stooping so that his head just1194brushed the ceiling. He bent down, picked up the door, and fitted it1195easily back into its frame. The noise of the storm outside dropped a1196little. He turned to look at them all.1197"Couldn't make us a cup o' tea, could yeh? It's not been an easy1198journey..."1199He strode over to the sofa where Dudley sat frozen with fear.1200"Budge up, yeh great lump," said the stranger.

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